shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
