omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
