yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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