I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
