You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
