she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
