just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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