taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
