If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
