the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
