Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
