Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
