I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
