I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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