"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
