I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This baby is an asshole
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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