im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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