so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
