I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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