She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
