i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
