Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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