Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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