Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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