i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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