i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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