I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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