I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
