i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
