Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize