I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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