i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
