Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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