Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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