Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize