i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
