Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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