I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
