"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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