ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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