I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
