so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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