It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
