I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
