Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
