I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I lost the right to judge tonight
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
