I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize