im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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