You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need to calm my uterus...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
