hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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