Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
