Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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