dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
