I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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