my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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