1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
