If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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