im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
