I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
