gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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