How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
