When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This baby is an asshole
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
