she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
