guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
